I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
