And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
