Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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