My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
