Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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