Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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