I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
