we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
