Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
