Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
