And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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