Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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