i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
