My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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