i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
