My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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