I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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