I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
