Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
