Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You ruined the universe
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
