ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
