I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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