Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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