My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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