Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
