I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
