I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
