I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
