I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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