I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
