even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
