very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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