Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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