If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
