I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
