Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
