He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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