What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
