pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
