Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
