I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
