its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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