cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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