tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
