Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
