I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
