he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
