is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
