how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
