Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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