I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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