go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
