Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
