I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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