it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
