If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
