the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
